So, my dog, cat, and I are packing up and moving out of my shared apt. I live in a pretty 2 br 2 1/2 bath townhouse in a nice, safe neighborhood. I haven’t been able to pay my rent for months, social services took almost 3 months to process bc of administrative errors–and they can’t help with my current rent bc it is too high. So, I’m packing. I’m a terrible packer and terribly disorganized at the moment. The worse I’m doing, the messier (not dirtier though!!) I am. My room is a disaster. So I have to organize, get rid of stuff and have less than 10 days to do it. I’m kind of depressed at the moment. Normally I’m not usually too depressed (for the first time in my life) bc I finally have a med regimen that is working for me. But, I’m definitely down about where my life currently is, having to move, etc. I feel like nothing is settled. And the ground has already been ripped out from underneath me, so I don’t even know what more could possibly go wrong.

I’m really disappointed in myself bc a few years ago, I could at least fake a smile, fake having it “together”–and now I do a shoddy job of even “faking it til I make it”. My friends have been tremendously supportive through all of this.. those I’ve met through therapy groups and a few really great friends from med school. But, I’m spent. I feel so off-track. I just want my life back. The life I thought I had at least. I’m not sure if I should return to school this August or the following August. I feel like there’s so much at stake, and nothing at stake at the same time. So many aspects of my life are in shambles; I’m not even sure how to put the pieces back together anymore.

Wishing you (and myself) safety and peace.

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